When I listen to people in meetings, I usually get the impression that there’s very little listening going on. Usually, people are defending their positions, talking at each other, thrust and counter thrust. Yet, this traditional method, of stating your opinion and then defending it, is not the most effective way of influencing people. We use the ESP model when teaching influencing skills:

• Elicit the other person’s point of view
• State your point of view
• Probe the differences

It leads to less confrontation and better listening. Lately, we’ve added a 4th step Agree the common ground, which, depending upon the context of the negotiation and your own personal style and preference, can come before or after you state your point of view – but it messes up the ESP acronym!